A big fat serving of dignity

A few days ago, one of the front-page leads at CNN caught my attention. It read:

Plus-sized women: It’s our turn for fine fashion

So, I clicked on through and read. It turned out to be a good article with some interesting points about how the fashion industry has been ignoring anyone above a size 12, and in fact consider a 14 to be plus-sized. A 14. Now, women’s clothes vary a lot. Not everyone’s 14 is the same, and even within the same label, a 14 of one style pants won’t fit as well as a 14 of another style. Women’s bodies just have a lot of places to vary, and ratios can be all over the place, yet still be labelled “14” by those designing and manufacturing clothes. But really… 14? Plus-sized? That’s 41-33-44, for those playing along at home. Average, basically.

The general complaint is that unless you are smaller than average, designers don’t make things for you, or stores don’t have things available for you to try on, in as wide a range of options. Heck, according to the article, most bridal shops don’t stock much above a size 10 (a size larger than the dimensions of the knockout titular woman of the Commodore’s Brick House) — and a wedding dress is not something you want to buy sight unseen. I don’t even like buying SHOES online, and my feet are pretty normal-shaped.

So, plus-sized women have fewer options, so they buy less, so designers see they aren’t buying as much, and don’t design as much. What the…? Ridiculous cycle. This is finally coming to the surface of mainstream reporting, and has garnered the attention of the media and those within the fashion industry. Events such as Lane Bryant’s Full-Figured Fashion Week weren’t even a blip on the radar 5 years ago, but today they are full-figured, full-fledged Events (with a capital “E”). Note still that at LB’s Sonsi website — which is aimed at the “full-figured” crowd — sizes 12 and up are included. 12! Egads.

At any rate, even though I’m about as far from a fashionista as someone with 2 X chromosomes can be, I’m glad to see that more options will be available. Part of my ongoing body transformation has resulted in a new appreciation for dressing myself up and not wearing $5-per-piece clothing only. More options are better, so this new trend is good.

However.

I’m a bit torn by something. The article at CNN was interesting, but it was the commentary that followed which really spurred me to write this blog post. Take a few minutes and scan through the reader comments there. I have no idea when you are reading this blog, but I’m confident that the overall nature of the comments you see at CNN will fall into one of a few categories:

1. Fatty haters
2. People who feel events like Full-Figured Fashion Week promote obesity
3. People who are glad there are events like that

What I’m torn about though, is that I am mostly in the #3 camp, but also have tinges of #2. Not about these events specifically, but about a somewhat disturbing undercurrent that’s accompanying the more outspoken overweight/obese segments of the community as they gain a louder voice in society. I’m talking about the ones that very proudly proclaim they are fat and that you should accept them for what they are, and don’t discriminate or be a hater.

First off, being fat is NOTHING to be proud of. Seriously. If you want to brag on that, then you’ve set your bar pretty low. Accepting someone for what (or more importantly WHO) they are is generally a good thing, BUT… nobody can remain unchanged and be considered healthy. Change is a NECESSARY component of LIVING (otherwise, we’d remain infants our entire lives… which would make it very difficult for the species to continue). Those who accept their situation with the proclamation of “I’m just fat” are so so wrong. You’re not JUST fat. There’s lots more to you — why limit yourself to that one adjective? Sure, that’s not how they meant it, but I suspect there’s an underlying psychological reason at play for injecting that little word “just” — to downplay (“it’s just this or that”) something in an attempt to deflect, or to limit (“that’s just how it is”) so that thought and options are not introduced into the equation (wouldn’t want to have to make a choice… it’s easier to follow ONE path, than to chose from among many, after all).

Those who accept their situation as temporary, on the other hand… that I can start to get behind. “I’m fat, right now.” That’s accurate, and that’s taking ownership of one’s current health situation, and the important “right now” at the end indicates that the person is open to the possibility that being fat can CHANGE for then. There’s that word – change. Grow, live, change, adapt, chose. For some, it’s more difficult to see the importance of those verbs, because it can mean having to admit that where you are NOW – while it may be the “right” place now – might not be the place to be tomorrow/next week/in a year/etc. We are living creatures, and therefore moving targets — gotta keep up with where you’re supposed to be, and that means uprooting from what’s comfortable, or “attained” and moving on to the next stage — hopefully an improvement upon where you are NOW.

Anyhow, back to what I’m torn on. The whole “fat and proud” — gag me. “Formerly fat and proud” is much better, and a much healthier thing to be. So, I see some of what those who scorn “Fat Fashion” are saying, but there’s an important overriding factor which pushes me more into the camp of “glad such trends are emerging.” That factor can be summed up in one word:

Dignity.

For most, being fat is due to lifestyle choices. Yeah, yeah, I know there are many with underlying medical conditions, but I’m talking about those who find themselves overweight because of unhealthy lifestyles. Making wrong choices though, is not automatic grounds for condemnation. For those who struggle with their weight, and resort to hiding, or taking the first step by cracking fat jokes themselves, or – worse – eating to soothe, very rarely do acts of shame or condemnation motivate in a way that the person is able to lift themselves up and take steps towards improving their lives. The saying about catching more flies with honey than vinegar works for fat people, too. You’ll motivate others to change much more readily by means OTHER than condemnation.

Included in my “condemnation” is the more subtle form of it which manifests through snubbing. And specifically on that point, through a lack of clothing options. Whether it’s intentional disdain, or convoluted economics (“they don’t buy, therefore we won’t make them anything to buy”), the fashion industry has definitely snubbed the “plus-sized” part of our world. And there are people who clearly think that “fat people don’t DESERVE nice clothes” or “lose weight so that you’re not fat, and then we’ll let you wear stuff that looks good.” UGH. Strip someone of their dignity and how likely are they to rise above? Not very, I daresay.

So while I don’t think that “embracing one’s fatness” is a wise life choice, I also don’t think that slamming the changing room door in someone’s face because they are a size 14 (or 28 or 42) is a wise thing to do, either.

To those of us who are fat, I say: Embrace WHO you are, not the skinsuit you are wearing. Be good to yourself, become “You, Version 2” in a body that does what you want to do. Become healthy, and a whole WORLD of opportunities will open up to you, from what you can do, to what you can wear and how others treat you. Don’t be afraid to let them know where you came FROM, and do what you can to encourage others to change their outlook and healthiness, too.

To those of you who are helping fat people have more options in how they look to the world: Thank you for providing some much-needed dignity. You’re doing more good than you may realize.